


Catch Me 'Cause I'm Falling

by Zoe13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 03:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is in love with Zayn, but doesn't think he'll ever love him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch Me 'Cause I'm Falling

It wasn't that Niall was less attractive, or less talented or less funny than the others...it wasn't even that he was always being forgotten or left in the background by fans. It was the fact that he was simply not anything, that he was nothing to everyone else that stung him so much. 

What he was hurt even more than what he wasn't. He was stupid, he was fat, he was undeserving of his part in the group. 

The list of things that hurt piled up, but the final straw was Zayn. It wasn't that Zayn made fun of him or was mean to him- on the contrary, he was sweet and kind and tried to help him feel better when he was down. But that was what hurt. Because Zayn put up with him and was kind to him when he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of the boys' kindness or attention, much less Zayn's. And if he didn't deserve Zayn's friendship, why would he deserve his love?

That was what finally broke him, shattered him like a fragile piece of china and left the pieces on the floor to be stepped on. He was being tolerated, and nothing more- wasn't that what everyone said?

And whether he was bent over an arm that was dripping red blood or bent over a toilet to make himself thinner, he knew the world would be cheering him on if they knew.  
__

His love for Zayn was simple- it was all the baggage that wasn't. He couldn't ruin one of the few friendships he had, even if that friendship might be out of pity- probably was out of pity. He was a scarred, screwed up, and broken mess and nobody cared enough to see and fix him. Why should they? Everyone said he deserved it...

He didn't dare show his pain. He was afraid that the boys would think him a burden or Zayn would discover his feelings and-  
And that would be that last day he would ever see...he'd make sure of that. He wished for that anyway, but knew it would only bring bad publicity towards the others. 

He remained silent, growing thinner and more despairing every day.  
__

They began to see. It was almost as if they cared for him and weren't just being kind- but that was foolish. what did everyone say? They just put up with him because they were perfect and sweet and caring. Liam, Harry and Louis' worried looks must have been for someone else, like Zayn's anguished eyes that met his by accident. 

Because if they were for him, that would mean they cared.  
__

He had forgotten that Liam had a room key, and so he ignored the knocks on his door and focused only on the slide of smooth metal against scarred skin. The blood trickled down his arm and he sighed at the feeling.   
His eyes snapped open as he heard a key in the lock. 

"We're coming in, Ni! Hope you're dressed!" Louis' voice was joking as usual, but Niall's heart stopped and he stood against the wall, bloody arm hidden behind his back. He dropped the razor and stepped on it just as the four came in the room. Louis immediately flopped on a chair by the door, and Harry and Liam sat on the bed. Zayn leaned against the wall, surveying the blonde with an unreadable look.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he asked, feeling nauseous. There was no way to get out. If he moved, they would see the blade on the floor and the blood on his arm and it would all be over- they would leave him. 

"Eh, nothing," Louis drawled, shoving his phone in his pocket. Niall started to sweat. 

"Come sit down," Liam said, patting the space by him. Niall shook his head.

"Why not?" Harry asked, looking confused. "At least come over here. We're all on this side of the room." Niall's throat closed up and he couldn't speak. Nothing would come out.

"Niall?" Zayn finally spoke, but Niall only panicked more at the sound of his voice. "Why won't you move?"

"I can't," Niall finally whispered. Zayn's eyes traveled downward to his arm and Niall felt tears forming. 

"Niall, show me your arm," Zayn said lowly. The other three were silent, watching with worried eyes. Niall shook his head.

"I can't," he said again. Zayn pushed of from the wall, stepping toward him. "Zayn, stop..." Niall tried to shrink further into the corner, but Zayn didn't stop until he was in front of Niall. Niall felt the tears falling and cursed his own stupidity. 

"Let me see." Zayn reached for the arm behind Niall and Niall shook his head.

"Zayn, no! Please..." He sobbed as Zayn grasped his upper arm, pulling his arm out in front of him. Harry cried out, turning away as blood dripped on Zayn's shoe. Niall turned, covering his face with his other hand and sobbing. Now they would leave...now he would be all alone. 

Suddenly he was pulled forward and Zayn was holding him close, tears that weren't his own falling on his neck and shoulder. The other three stood and soon he was in the middle, his four best friends enveloping him in a hug. An unspoken message seemed to go between Liam, Louis, and Harry, because they pulled away and left, the door shutting softly. Zayn pulled away and turned, walking into the bathroom and coming back with some gauze. 

It was quiet, too quiet, and Niall was still fearful. Zayn sat him on the bed and began to clean his arm.

"Sorry," he whispered as Niall hissed at the sting. He finally looked up as he began wrapping the gauze. "How long, Niall?"

"Four months," Niall said numbly, wishing Zayn would just leave and not drag this out- not make him think that maybe he would stay. 

"Four months?" Zayn's voice cracked and Niall saw that his eyes were full of tears again. "I'm sorry Niall...I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Niall whispered. "It's my fault. I'm the one that's just not good enough."

"Who ever said that?" Zayn asked, eyes sparking with anger. Niall drew back and Zayn's face softened as he resumed bandaging Niall's arms. 

"Everyone says it...they all hate me. I don't deserve my part here, Zayn. And I should leave." Zayn finished his left arm, dropping the gauze and closing his eyes for a moment. 

"They're idiots, Niall," he said. "Hey- look at me." Gentle fingers lifted up his chin and he met Zayn's eyes. "So many people love you- so many more than people that hate you. And they don't hate you, not really. They're just jealous and bitter at the world, Niall. They can't see how perfect you are." Niall tilted his head down, covering his face so Zayn wouldn't see the tears. He took a shuddering breath.

"But they're right, Zayn. and I am far from perfect. I've never deserved anything you have given me. You've all been so kind and put up with me and-"

"Stop!" Zayn looked pained, as if he'd been slapped in the face. "'Put up with you?' That's ridiculous, Niall! I WANT you here- no, I NEED you here. I'm nothing without you, Niall. With or without the band. I- what you see doesn't exist. There is no Niall Horan in any universe or lifetime that is imperfect and undeserving and just not good enough. There is no one I would rather sing with or laugh with or just spend time with than you. Why do you do this?"

"Because I don't deserve you, Zayn!" Niall cried, pulling back. "You're just perfect and you sing and everyone loves you, including me, and you are so kind and so talented and so attractive that everyone loves you and can't help but compare you to the worthless, untalented boy that you hang out with." 

"Oh Niall..." Zayn's face was teartracked as he looked at the frail blonde. "What have they done to you?"

"Nothing," Niall insisted. "I've done it to myself by just being me. I tried to change for you all...I didn't want to make people dislike you too."

"But I don't want you to change," Zayn blurted out. "I'm in love with you and who you are right now! You don't need to change a single thing!" Niall froze, eyes widening. 

"You don't mean that," his voice cracked. "You don't mean it!" He leaped up, Zayn following suit. "You're just saying that-"

"I'm not, I swear!"

Niall shook his head, tears falling faster as he backed away. "I don't want you to pretend. You don't mean it, Zayn! Stop playing with me...it's not fixing things!" Zayn grasped his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. Niall turned away.

"Niall, I- look at me, Niall. I mean every word." Niall turned, blue eyes meeting gold. "You are the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world. You've pulled me up when I've fallen and you've brightened even my darkest night. You're perfect, Niall, and I really and truly am in love with you." 

"You don't mean that," Niall said weakly. "I wish you did but you don't." For a minute it looked like Zayn wanted to shake him, but then he yanked Niall forward and crashed their lips together, pulling him as close to him as possible. Niall finally wrapped his arms aaround Zayn's neck, kissing him back.  
He cried as Zayn pulled away, but Zayn pulled him close again, resting his chin on his head.

"I mean it, Niall." He looked him in the eyes again and Niall snapped, falling to the ground and hugging his knees to his chest. Zayn knelt by him worriedly, but when Niall lifted his head, he was smiling. 

"You do!" He cried. "You do mean it!" Zayn's face lit up as Niall jumped on him, pulling him in for another kiss."You do mean it and I'm not...I'm not worthless." He was smiling and Zayn pulled him close.

"I've never meant something more in my life, Niall."  
__

The next girl in line stopped at Niall, large brown eyes turning cold.

"Poor little Niall," she sneered. "So undeserving." Niall opened his mouth, but Zayn leaned over and interrupted.

"Poor little fake directioner..." his lips formed a pout that Niall gazed half-horrified at. "So needy for attention and jealous because Niall's famous and you're not. Oh well- I guess you'll just have to get over yourself."

"But..." she was at a loss for words. Zayn's eyes drifted down to her shirt and he raised an eyebrow. 

"I'm your favorite?" he was genuinely incredulous. "I have an announcement to make- if I'm really your favorite, you'll have a crush on Niall." Niall's face turned purple as hundreds of girls and Louis, Liam, and Harry all turned to stare at the pair.

"Zayn..." But the Bradford boy was on a roll. 

"Oh no wait," he smirked at the girl in front of him. "He's mine." Turning, he gave Niall a sound kiss on the lips, flipped the girl off, and handed a poster back to another girl he'd forgotten for a moment.

"Oh shit," Niall muttered as screams erupted from the crowd.

"You're welcome," Zayn smirked. 

"So that's why Niall's suddenly better." Louis grinned at the pair.

"Course...you guys are gonna rot my teeth." Harry beamed at them before tackling Niall.

"I'm gonna have to fight with management," Liam sighed. "Well, I'm happy for you anyway."

"Good," Zayn stated emphatically. "Cause we're gonna stay together no matter what."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it was at least tolerable. :P
> 
> Zoe x


End file.
